Giving Alma Mater a Boost©

          A light flashed on Camden Manuel’s huge mahogany desk in an office in a building on Wall Street.
          “Yes, Fay,” he said
          “There’s a Dean Ima Farseer on the line. From a community college.”
          “I’ll take it.  Put her through.”
          Click.
          “Dean Farseer, what a pleasant surprise. Are you in New York?”
          “No, Camden, I’m back here in Letongaloosa.  Thanks for taking my call.”
          “It’s always a pleasure.  How are the Leopards doing this season?”
          “Not well, as usual. But they keep trying.”
          “That’s the important thing.”
          “I suppose.”
`
        “Is there something I can do to help?”
          “Not  with the football team, Camden, but perhaps something else.”
          “I’ll be happy to try to help. What’s the problem?”
          “We have a money problem.”
          “How much do you need?”
          “That’s not the problem.  We have too much money.”
          “Wow.  Now that IS a problem.”
          “You remember reading about Eloise Simplekins, the woman who made millions as a pre-cleaning ladies’ cleaning lady”?
          “Yes. Eloise and I chatted at an alumni party some time back.”
          “And Ribby Von Simeon, the millionaire who has that land with the reconstructed ship outside of town?”
          “And Brett Timert, the guy who inherited a pile of money from his adoptive basque parents?”
          “Yes, I remember.  They’re good guys, all three of them.”
          “Well, they want to give Letongaloosa Community  Junior College a million dollars each.”
          “That’s a lot of money.”
          “I’ll say. Our last big alumni contribution was $850 from Old Doc Coggins’s will.”
          “So, how can I help?”
          “We need advice. There will be lawyers and hand-out-seekers and IRS agents all over the place.
          “Give me a couple of days. I’ll talk to some people and get back to you.”
          “We’ll all appreciate your help.”
          Camden did some digging and called Dean Farseer a week later.
          “Dean Farseer, this is Camden.  I have a suggestion:  You designate one building on campus for each of the donors and plan an official naming ceremony for each. If they agree, you could space the naming programs out so that the university will get maximum exposure from the mass media and the public.”
          “That’s a good idea. But there’s a problem. Many of the best buildings are already named for pioneer professors, former deans and such. The faculty, and perhaps the community, would make a fuss if we dropped those traditional names.”.
          “Other institutions have had that problem,” said Camden. “They solved it by giving the buildings hyphenated names with the pioneer name listed first.  Names like Parson-Walters Hall and Peabody-James Hall.”
          “Wow! Now we’re getting somewhere. Thank you!”
          “Keep in touch, and let me know how things go.”
          Time passed, and then one day Camden got an engraved invitation to attend the naming ceremony for Tilden-Simplekins Hall. Months later the university invited Camden to the dedication of Kleghorn-Von Simeon Hall. Quite a bit later  came the naming of Thompson-Timert Hall.
          Camden had been right. The public turned out for the dedication programs and the mass media, including some national media, covered the events. Dean Farseer gained university administration approval and was invited by a number of other universities to speak about the success of the building naming idea.
          More time passed. Camden didn’t hear from Dean Farseer. And he didn’t see any more about Letongaloosa Community Junior College in the national mainstream media. Then one day a white envelope arrived at his office.  The envelope contained an engraved invitation to a building-naming ceremony, but didn’t specify the name.
          When Camden arrived at Letongaloosa Airport he was met by the mayor in a stretch limo and a delegation of city officials. Also on the airport tarmac were representatives of the LCJC faculty and administration.  The mayor joined Camden  in the limo for the ride back to town.  The procession drove to campus and stopped at a speakers’ platform in front of a new dormitory building.
          The mayor escorted Camden to the platform and a microphone.
          “My fellow citizens,” said the mayor.  “Thank you for joining us on this auspicious occasion as we designate this fine new facility Camden Manual residence hall.”
                                                                                                                   -30-
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4 thoughts on “Giving Alma Mater a Boost©

  1. Mark Schultz says:

    I enjoy your humor, Larry! Keep them coming.

  2. So true…Thanks for the tales. I really enjoy them.

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