A Twist On Some Sports Clichés

The Sports Cliché :                                The Twist:

“It was a slam dunk”………. Right into his coffee mug.

“It’s gut-check time”………Dude, you’ve gained 14 inches.

“Keep your eye on the ball”….Someone stole the last one.

“That was a hole in one”….No, that was the two ball in the side pocket.

“They didn’t pull any punches”….instead they pulled out their lunchboxes.

“They always step up to the plate”…..when Mom serves spaghetti and meatballs.

“They talk a good game”…but they don’t known a pawn from a bishop.

“Their in a league of their own”….and they play a mean game of tic-tac-toe.

“They want to play hard ball’….but the tennis racket always breaks.

“The ball is in your court”…..and we object your Honor.

“They answered the bell”…..as soon as the pizza arrived.

“Take one for the team”……..and two for the locker room attendant.

Dr. Larry day is a retired J-School professor turned humor writer. His book, Day Dreaming: Tales From the Fourth Dementia is available for purchase via his website: http://www.daydreaming.co

 

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10 suggestions Poet James Russell Lowell

 

The Poet asked:  “Oh what is so rare as a day in June?”

1.     The flame created by the burning of your paid-off home mortgage.

2.     The look on the face of a three-year-old child who hears her dad’s car coming up the driveway.

3.     A wife seeing her husband of 55 years pain-free after recuperating from back surgery.

4.     Your dog’s tail when someone brings him his dinner.

5.     Grandpa’s joy at finding where Grandma hid the cookies after she left to play Mahjongg with her friends all afternoon.

6.     Grandma’s joy when Grandpa finally agrees to get a haircut.

7.     Parking the car in a rainstorm thinking you left the umbrella at home— and then seeing it lying in the back seat.

8.     The happiness of a boy who sees his homing pigeon land in its coop after being missing for a week.

9.     Ten Lords a-leaping.

10. And a partridge in a pear tree.

Dr. Larry day is a retired J-School professor turned humor writer. His book, Day Dreaming: Tales From the Fourth Dementia is available for purchase via his website: http://www.daydreaming.co

 

Girl’s Choice

When I was in seventh grade a girl asked me to a “girls’ choice” dance.  It was the first formal type event I’d ever been asked to attend.  I was naïve and didn’t know that I was expected to buy and bring a corsage.

The girl and her mother were gracious about the fact that I didn’t bring a corsage, and the girl and I went on to the dance.

But I was so sensitive about what I considered my blunder that as we traded dances I’d say to my new dance partner,  “I wish they’d turn the lights down.”

Well those remarks got around to the girls at the dance and I was marked, not as dolt who didn’t buy a corsage, but a lothario who wanted the lights turned down.

Dr. Larry day is a retired J-School professor turned humor writer. His book, Day Dreaming: Tales From the Fourth Dementia is available for purchase via his website: http://www.daydreaming.co