After all these years, the Mob came back for the limo. It gave my friend Andrew Klees another real scare.
Some time ago, Andy got himself in trouble with the Mob after he saved a fine old stretch limousine from salvage. The limo had been damaged in a collision. A wrecker brought it to the auto shop where Andy worked, and Andy fell in love with the limo at first sight.
His boss said it would take too much time to repair the limo, but Andy intervened. He is one of the best body and fender men in town. Andy knew he could restore the limo, so he paid the salvage fee and told the driver to tow it out to his place.
After Andy had repaired the limo, a couple of Mob enforcers showed up. They were looking for a “gadget” hidden in the limo’s passenger compartment. They wanted to take Andy for a “ride,” but they couldn’t start the limo. They ordered Andy to start it and drive out to the country while they searched the passenger compartment.
After a few blocks Andy looked back. Both men were out cold.
“I put them to sleep,” said a melodious female voice that came from somewhere inside the dashboard. “They are bad men. Take them to the police station.” The police arrested the mobsters.
Andy drove his shiny stretch limousine all around the countryside. In the summer time, folks heard Andy and a woman’s voice singing as the limo rolled by but they never saw the woman.
Then the Mob showed up again. This time it was a slick lawyer. He drove up in a town car. The Mob lawyer introduced himself, and showed Andy a sheaf of documents. He said papers proved that the limo belonged to his clients, and that Andy’s purchase was invalid.
The lawyer said his clients were willing to pay Andy a ‘finder’s fee’ in exchange for the limo, and produced a document that said Andy relinquished all claims.
“Just sign here,” said the Mob lawyer.
Andy didn’t know what to do, so he stalled for time.
“Let me sit in the limo for a minute,” he said.
“Give me the keys first ” said the lawyer.
Andy handed over the keys, then got into the driver’s seat and shut the door.
“What shall I do?” He had never spoken to the limo first. She had always spoken first.
“The Mob wants a gadget that’s hidden in the passenger compartment,” said the melodious voice from the dashboard. “It’s a thumb drive that contains records of deals the old Mob boss made with crooked politicians. Years ago his rivals sent the goons to get the gadget, but when they failed, the Mob boss let you keep the limo. Now he died. His Ivy League nephews took over and want the gadget, but they sent a lawyer after it instead of goons.”
The lawyer tapped on the window. “Let’s go,” he said. “Get out here and sign the papers.”
“What do I do now?” asked Andy.
“You let your lawyer handle it,” said the limo.
“I don’t have a lawyer,” said Andy.
“Of course you do,” said the limo.
Just then a car drove up. A young woman with a briefcase got out.
“I’m Megan Street,” she said to the Mob lawyer. “I represent Mr. Klees. I assume you have your clients’ power of attorney.”
“I do,” said the Mob lawyer.
“Kindly step into the limo, Mr. Klees,” said the young woman.
Andy opened the door and climbed into the passenger compartment. He saw black thumb drive on the back seat and picked it up. Andy climbed out of the limo and handed the thumb drive to the Mob lawyer.
The young woman laid the quit claim document on the hood of the limo. The Mob lawyer signed it, got into his town car, and drove away without a another
“How can I ever thank you,” said Andy.
“You can take me to lunch,” said Megan.
Dr. Larry day is a retired J-School professor turned humor writer. His book, Day Dreaming: Tales From the Fourth Dementia is available for purchase via his website: http://www.daydreaming.co