We ate Chinese take-out the other night. The fortune cookie said: “The path is getting easier from here on out.”
Well, thank heaven that the path is getting easier. I was so relieved and encouraged when I read that.
Then I imagined some individual in New Jersey, or Arkansas or Las Vegas or some place. He or she, I thought, was sitting at a rickety wooden writing table making up Chinese fortune cookie sayings. The person gets paid 20 cents a dozen for them.
So here are some Chinese fortune cookie sayings from a loopy geezer who lives in the Upper Midwest of the United States of America (a place where a century or so ago experts told people they should inhabit).
+ If you’re watching the 10 O’clock news on a Kansas City TV station and in the middle of the show, the weatherman looks at radar screen and says, “Well folks, my shift just ended. Good Night,” and the screen goes blank…
You should probably take cover.
+ If, here in the Upper Midwest, there’s a cobalt blue sky and not a cloud anywhere, it’s probably safe to drive to the grocery store (within half a mile of your place) and buy bread without taking your umbrella and rubber boots. You’ve probably got at least 15 minutes.
+ If the big brown UPS truck drives by your house, you’ve got a least a half hour before any unannounced tornado hits. The UPS drivers are in touch with their dispatcher by radio.
Dr. Larry Day is a retired KU J-School professor turned humor columnist. Download his book of goofy short stories, Day Dreaming: Tales From the Fourth Dementia from Amazon.com.